It was only my second day in Nigeria when I recognized a feeling long forgotten: the feeling of being unsafe. Walking down the aisles of a Lagos supermarket, despite the fact that I was surrounded by a swirl of ethnicities that included Nigerians, Chinese, South Africans, Indians and others, I couldn't shake the familiar feeling that I was under threat, being watched and needed to conclude my business and get to safety as quickly as possible. It was a clear carryover from Iraq, where short outings to the market or a local school truly were dangerous undertakings; I had to remind myself that while, as a large African mega-city Lagos is not without a need for street smarts, it is a free and safe society and I had nothing to worry about in a crowded shopping center.
The landscape here, in many ways, is not too different from Basra. The construction is the same both in style and its varying stages of completion; at first glance, haphazard, quick-fix methods with scarce resources seems to be the norm, and it does impact the outcome. Lagos has more greenery - slightly - but the dirt side roads and crush of vehicles feels familiar, as do the impromptu roadside stands selling whatever produce is in season, and the young men and boys rushing to car windows to sell bootleg DVDs, tissue boxes, fresh fruit or a window wash. In these instances, too, I have to remind myself that it is okay to be seen, that getting stuck in the traffic isn't putting me at risk, and that the only risk posed by roadside police stands is the demand for a bribe before you pass, and nothing more sinister.
The unwinding from a place like Iraq is a slow and subtle process; in some ways I have consciously felt it happen as habits disappear and walls begin to come down. In other instances it is striking when I realize it is taking place, as I see clearly what has evolved within me, and identify what I am letting go of. The conscious understanding of yet another way it has affected my thoughts and actions never fails to startle me, and while I know the process will continue, I also recognize there will be some ways in which it has changed me forever.
This is humbling in light of those who saw and suffered far more than I did. I experienced my share of risk and danger, was awakened many nights to alarms and explosions, and saw morale drop heavily among those around me in the wake of a soldier's or security contractor's death. For those who encountered harm and death head on, I wonder about their habits and walls compared to my own. No amount of training or strength of purpose prepares you for an experience like this, and I fear we are doing too little to care for those who have been deeply affected by this conflict, many of them just kids who seemed, in passing, so much younger and more immature than I. As I see and feel myself unwinding from my relatively easy experience, I wonder if they ever will.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Hello Again!
At long last, the blog has been resurrected. Thanks to all who followed my last journey - having friends and family along for the ride was great support and I appreciate all the calls for a return to blog posts! I hope to be more consistent on the current journey.
So, what's happened in the last year?
After a year and a half in Iraq, I left the program - and Mercy Corps - in November 2010. Oliver (the aforementioned boyfriend, who most of you have heard about at great length) and I spent six weeks traveling, with nearly a month in Thailand and Cambodia followed by spending the holidays in the UK with his family. It was great to check a few places off the must-visit list and dodge US taxes in the process!
I headed back to Portland in January to finish the last two terms of my masters coursework - which I completed last week! It's great to have the MPH [almost] completed - I will sit for my final exam in September.
In the meanwhile, I will be starting a 10-week internship with USAID, the US Agency for International Development, in Ethiopia in two weeks. I will be evaluating an emergency food distribution of a corn-soy blend food product, targeting pregnant/nursing women and children under five. I will be traveling to the cities of Mekele, Sekota, Lalibela and Dire Dawa, with an additional three weeks at the Embassy in Addis Ababa. It should be a great experience and I can't wait to get there.
Until then, I am hanging out in Lagos, Nigeria with Oliver, where he will be working until September on a technical/vocational training program. It's great to spend some time with him after nearly two months apart. (For those who were wondering, its now been a year and a half together - can't believe how quickly it's gone!) Lagos is a sprawling, overwhelming African mega-city - a stark contrast from the quiet of rural Ethiopia.
Many people have asked me if, knowing what I know now, I would take my job in Iraq again. My answer is overwhelmingly, yes. It was a fantastic learning experience - challenging, fascinating and career-changing. I've developed such confidence in my ability to travel, work and live abroad, to handle difficult and dangerous situations overseas, and to excel in development work. With conflict and insecurity under my belt, I have yet to hack it in the giant bugs/tents/pit latrines scenario - but I'm now more confident in my ability to navigate that with [relative] ease as well.
Thanks to all who are embarking on this new adventure with me - let the journey begin!
Fondly,
Alisha
So, what's happened in the last year?
After a year and a half in Iraq, I left the program - and Mercy Corps - in November 2010. Oliver (the aforementioned boyfriend, who most of you have heard about at great length) and I spent six weeks traveling, with nearly a month in Thailand and Cambodia followed by spending the holidays in the UK with his family. It was great to check a few places off the must-visit list and dodge US taxes in the process!
I headed back to Portland in January to finish the last two terms of my masters coursework - which I completed last week! It's great to have the MPH [almost] completed - I will sit for my final exam in September.
In the meanwhile, I will be starting a 10-week internship with USAID, the US Agency for International Development, in Ethiopia in two weeks. I will be evaluating an emergency food distribution of a corn-soy blend food product, targeting pregnant/nursing women and children under five. I will be traveling to the cities of Mekele, Sekota, Lalibela and Dire Dawa, with an additional three weeks at the Embassy in Addis Ababa. It should be a great experience and I can't wait to get there.
Until then, I am hanging out in Lagos, Nigeria with Oliver, where he will be working until September on a technical/vocational training program. It's great to spend some time with him after nearly two months apart. (For those who were wondering, its now been a year and a half together - can't believe how quickly it's gone!) Lagos is a sprawling, overwhelming African mega-city - a stark contrast from the quiet of rural Ethiopia.
Many people have asked me if, knowing what I know now, I would take my job in Iraq again. My answer is overwhelmingly, yes. It was a fantastic learning experience - challenging, fascinating and career-changing. I've developed such confidence in my ability to travel, work and live abroad, to handle difficult and dangerous situations overseas, and to excel in development work. With conflict and insecurity under my belt, I have yet to hack it in the giant bugs/tents/pit latrines scenario - but I'm now more confident in my ability to navigate that with [relative] ease as well.
Thanks to all who are embarking on this new adventure with me - let the journey begin!
Fondly,
Alisha
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